'FLATLEY'. The name sits proudly in white caps above the title as it flashes on a gigantic screen on the London Palladium stage.The Lord of the Dance is back and this time, he is playing….a Dangerous Game. Or rather, it is a 'dangerous game' for the followers of FLATLEY's 'old Lord' - apparently 'gone…FOREVER!', according to Thomas Cunningham's Dark Lord - to bring a new one into being, yet this they do, in the Flatleyesque form of James Keegan, to do battle with Dark Lord and his own forces (quite what for is left open to interpretation). That's pretty much the whole story for nearly two hours of what looks like a tour de force of Michael FLATLEY's greatest hits. Without Michael FLATLEY.
Just to be clear, I'm not really a fan of the Flat-man, I bought this on DVD for my parents and couldn't resist watching it whilst they had it on. There's something kind of hypnotic about Irish dancing and who doesn't enjoy a bit of Good vs. Evil action…with shapely ladies?
Anyway, Flatley is credited onscreen as Creator, Director, Producer & Choreographer, yet on the DVD back cover, he's only Executive Producer. It's a dangerous game indeed to play with audience's expectations, which is what Flatley seems to be doing by stamping his name above the title of and including a prominent photo in the artwork for a production in which he doesn't feature in person until roughly ten minutes before the end. Half of those minutes include pre-recorded footage, featuring three versions of the old Lord (the Flatley Trinity?) all dancing in sequence on a triptych of onstage screens. I dunno, you wait for one Flatley and four arrive at once. To give him his due - and as the man himself proudly narrates in an unnecessary and self-congratulatory short primer video before Dangerous Games begins - Michael Flatley had to overcome various 'brick walls' in order to bring the original Lord Of The Dance to sell-out audiences worldwide twenty years ago, not to mention follow-ups like Feet Of Flames and Celtic Tiger. I'm surprised he didn't bring these up also but, if he'd listed all of his dancing achievements, that could've taken up the whole show. Before this intro, there's a weird pre-recorded bit with Flatley, a little boy (his son?) and an old clock, which explodes into pieces in a moment reminiscent of the latest Doctor Who title sequence, leading, aptly enough, into this show's title.
In fairness to Flatley, at 56, his feet of flames probably don't burn as brightly or for as long as once they did and so the new Lord does the bulk of the dancing here. I thought Keegan was a different person coming on at some points, an easy mistake to make given that most of the male dancers are all tall, sturdy, blonde doppel-Flatley's, given to proclaiming what sounds like 'HOO! HEE! HOO! HARGH!' at various points, which I think was meant to be counting in Gaelic. The dancing itself is what you'd expect if you've seen Riverdance, etc - lots of vigorous leg-flinging and leaping about, mostly with hands on hips or flat by the sides, except for the odd manly pose. Flatley's signature shape features every now and again, thrown by Keegan and the Flat-man himself near the end. Could it have given Usain Bolt ideas? ...
I'm no dancer, so I doubt I could ever achieve the physical prowess of the performers here but, after the hour mark, the moves start to feel a bit repetitive, since legs can only be thrown in a certain number of natural directions before something goes wrong. I'm surprised that no-one got accidentally kicked square in the shacklackerties (Irish slang for goolies…possibly) by a steel-toecapped jig shoe during the dance-off between the duelling Lords at the end.
The admittedly impressive dancing, some of the music, copious close-ups of dancers' toned legs and bums, as well as wondering when Flatley would appear did keep me entertained throughout. More than anything, though, I enjoyed checking the show's sci-fi influences. The Dark Lord himself looked like a budget cross between the Terminator, RoboCop and a Borg from Star Trek: The Next Generation (not the cooler First Contact movie versions, the shonky TV ones, who could still have easily assimilated this 'Dark Lord' fool.) His minions share the same tailor and look even ropier than the TNG Borg. During one scene featuring the metal mickeys, the backdrop displays two large CGI vehicles that look like a cross between Terminator's Hunter Killer robots and RoboCop's ED-209. The lighting display during the title song performance (by Girl Aloud Nadine Coyle as Erin The Goddess) was ripped straight out of The Matrix. Couldn't a Goddess take care of a Dark Lord quicker than another Lord, even if he is Of The Dance? Guess not.
Given that Lord Of The Dance is supposed to be based on Irish folklore, having the baddies being robotic seems a bit disingenuous, even if there was an intended juxtaposition between their technical superiority (such as it is) and the goodies' reliance on natural methods like music and magic. It's all bloody dancing anyway, so the machinery is rather redundant.
I think the original LOTD featured more magical villains and this new show should have kept it that way, given the cheapness of the costumes and most of the CGI backdrop animations. When The Dark Lord comes to (spoiler) kill the Lord Of The Dance, the production couldn't even be bothered with a prop gun for their supposedly machine-minded bad guy, who instead puts his fingers into a gun shape and mimes the shot. I guess, if he's part robot, he can shoot bullets from his fingers? If Alice Upcott's bendy Little Spirit gets a magic tin whistle, why can't the main villain have a weapon? When Dark Lord (boo! hiss!) breaks the whistle, Little Spirit sadly takes it to the young Lord Of The Dance for repair. After trying in vain to piece it back together, he briefly makes a face that suggests the budget couldn't stretch to a replacement one but then reaches behind him to reveal a new whistle, presumably pulled out of his arse, and gives her that. She seems happy with it.
In a show that even features Nadine Coyle stepping out of her comfort zone and singing live for a change, how hard would it have been to get Little Spirit to actually play the original Lord Of The Dance hymn on her whistle, rather than have her mime it? I guess this is too much to expect when even the show's above-the-title star doesn't appear live until very near the end.
When Flatley does finally deign to show his face, it's accompanied by a lot of amusing pointing at the audience, kissing and sashaying with lady performers and repeating his old moves, which we've already watched Keegan do for the last hour and a half. Still, seeing old Flirtley prance about and lead his ensemble like an old pro is fun to watch and the audience are lapping it up, even if the old Lord isn't as ripped as he used to be. Fatley milks their pleasure by repeating the Lord Of The Dance refrain twice, which is irresistibly exciting but I think I'll refrain from watching the live version of Dangerous Games. It's on at London's Dominion Theatre from 13th March 2015, if you must go. You could just buy the DVD for about a fiver, like I did.
Image credit: Michael Flatley & Usain Bolt's Facebook pages
